Hermit Loner’s Place

Have you ever noticed that in the workplace, rewards and tokens of appreciation are geared toward extroverts?

Where I work, my boss’s favorite way to thank the group for a job well done is to buy us all lunch. That is wonderful and all but it’s not a reward for me. For me, it’s a punishment. My lunchtime routine is to grab something at my desk while I’m working, and then LEAVE for a solitary walk, to get away from the office, away from people, and recharge for the afternoon. When the boss buys lunch, it means that I don’t get to do that.

The first couple of times he did it, I simply opted out, only to hear from coworkers that apparently my failure to participate really bothered him. So now when he buys lunch for the group, I join them, reluctantly. And instead of getting my badly needed hour of ‘alone time,’ I sit at our big lunch table with about 13 other people, enduring their noisy conversation, eating something that isn’t what I would have really liked, in most cases, and trying to figure out if I can spend my obligatory “hour with the team” and still sneak out for a walk later.

Every year the division that oversees our group puts on a holiday “Employee Appreciation Event.” Again, this is a nice thing to do and most people enjoy it. I do not. If you want to appreciate me, how about giving me an extra paid day off? THAT, I would enjoy! At last year’s event, one of our group members was presented with an award. This fellow doesn’t enjoy parties and had to be dragged from his office to get up in front of everyone, endure a little speech from our director, and accept his award in front of maybe a hundred people. It was obviously painful for him and he fled back to his office the minute he could get away. What kind of reward is that, making someone the center of attention who doesn’t want to be?

I got an award once, at this job. I did not attend the dinner event at which the awards were handed out. There was no way I wanted to get up in front of people and be the center of attention, not even for five minutes.

The latest thing in my little group is that it’s been decided it’s again time for a group lunch but this time, the boss wants to take us out. That is even worse than getting something in. I do NOT want to ride in a car with people I work with to some restaurant where I’m completely trapped for the duration of the lunch. It’s just not my idea of fun. And since I hate city driving, taking my own car isn’t going to happen. I’d really rather just opt out. But then I look like an antisocial ingrate and the boss will get his feelings hurt. So I guess I’ll either suck it up and go, or wait till they pick a day and then take that day off, which is what I did last time they planned a lunch out. I just took the day off - dilemma solved!

Managers, hear my plea. Your introverted employees don’t like the same things your extroverted ones do. If you want to buy everyone lunch or something, that’s great, but can you please excuse us without taking it personally, if we don’t want to participate? If it’s supposed to be a reward, then let us opt out without making us feel guilty. Better yet, why not reward people individually in ways that suit each person? You don’t need to buy me lunch or take me out. In fact, I’d really prefer that you not. Give me an extra day off instead, or give me a gift certificate to a bookstore, or something like that. And whatever you do, don’t make it a big deal. Don’t ever put me in the spotlight or make me the center of attention. That’s more like punishment than a reward to your average introvert. Make a fuss over your extroverts, who will eat it up. Your introverts would really prefer to go their own way and be left out of the spotlight. Thanks!

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