I haven’t written anything in a while. Life gets crazy and I get lazy.
Lately I’ve been thinking about getting old. Mabel is 77 now. On December 9, she fell and broke her hip. She has been in and out of the hospital and rehab ever since. We have been spending a lot of time visiting at the rehab, and we’re also having to think about what to do if Mabel can’t recover enough to come home.
And that makes me think about getting old, and becoming dependent, and having to be in a rehab or a nursing home - and these are very frightening prospects to anybody, but how much more so to an independent introvert?
Imagine. As introverts, we are fiercely private and territorial. We prize quiet and solitude. What would it be like to be in a nursing home, forced to live with a roommate, who would probably want to watch TV all the time, at high volume of course, due to hearing loss? Dependent on the care of strangers, even for intimate things. No escape from other people, EVER. Even needing help in the toilet. My God. I think I would go insane.
The noise alone would put me over the edge. I suppose if you’re mostly deaf maybe the noise isn’t so bad, but what if you aren’t deaf, and all you want is peace and quiet, and you have to listen to a roommate’s TV all day long? Hospitals, rehabs, and nursing homes are noisy. How is anyone supposed to recover from an illness or injury in such an unpeaceful environment? I think even gregarious extroverts have trouble with it! Mabel, for example, is very extroverted. She loves to talk, she loves to be the center of attention at all times, she loves company and conversation. But it’s even hard for her to be stuck in these places.
I lurk a lot on an elder care support board, because it hasn’t been easy, having Mabel here for going on twelve years now. And all the time I see people posting that they have had to place their parent in a nursing home, where the poor parent is pushed to be more social, to eat with others, to participate in activities. Perhaps for some, this is beneficial - for Mabel, for example, who does need a nudge now and then, but who really does enjoy a lot of social activity. But we aren’t all extroverts. Imagine the misery of an elderly introvert, forced to live in a group situation with other people, constantly being pushed to participate in social activities, with family and staff thinking “Oh, Mom’s depressed” or “Dad needs more interaction with people” when all poor introverted Mom or Dad really wants is to be left alone.
God. I’m horrified at the prospect of ever ending up like that . . .I would rather die. Do any of you ever think about this?
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4 responses so far ↓
I think about it. I’m more introverted than you, but I think it would drive me nuts. I hate going to visit Mabel, but she’s my mom, so I need to. I know she feels alone there and isolated, even if everything is buzzing around her. I couldn’t imagine someone with a large need for quiet private time being able to survive in such a place. i think the next stop would be the nuthouse.
Oh yeah I’ve thought about it! I’m 51 now, and I even worry about getting put in the hospital for whatever reason and being in a “semi-private” room. What true hell on earth. My mom is 84 and told me last weekend that her true fear is not the fear of dying. It’s the fear of getting so she can’t take care of herself and having to go to rehab/nursing home (she already broke her hip once in 2004 and of course knows what would happen if she fell again) and having a roommate.
OK, if anyone out there is interested in starting a retirement/nursing home for introverts - quiet, all private rooms, etc., be sure to let us know!
You just voiced a decade’s worth of neuroses on my part. My mother is in long-term care, too, and I’m trying not to envision the inevitable health problems will lead me into the same situation. Mother, who is more of an ambivert, “likes people.” I can take them or leave them. The thought of the noise, however, is the most frightening. I’m with Christie: I’m willing to donate money for a senior home for introverts.
At the very least, these places should have a ‘quiet room’ for folks who don’t want to talk, hear TV, etc. I fail to see how constant noise and activity is conducive to healing for anybody!
I love the idea of “introvert-only” communities, hospitals, and nursing homes! We spend our entire lives coping with the extroverted world - should we have to spend our ‘golden years’ with no way to retreat when we need to?