Entering a Weekend College program at nearly 50 years of age, while employed full-time in a soul-sucking job, sometimes seems like an insane thing for me to have done. But I’ve always been bothered by the fact that I never completed a four year degree. I didn’t earn an Associate of Arts degree until 2003 – and I graduated high school in 1978! I guess I’m a late bloomer. Finally, though, I’m in a position to be able to pursue a Bachelor’s Degree in Humanities and Fine Arts, and I’m going for it.
Well. Being in college at this “mature” age, as a very strong introvert, poses its own set of rather unique challenges! For one thing, every other Friday night I drive to the school, which is an hour from home. I have a dorm room there. I am in class till 10:30PM on Friday, and on Saturday from 8AM to noon. I quickly learned that in order to get ANY sleep in a dorm room, I need EARPLUGS. Even though the floor I’m on ( as well as the one above it) is limited to adult students, a dorm is still a noisy place.
That’s not the worst of it, though. The SHOWER is the worst of it. I dislike public restrooms as it is. To me, bathroom stuff is private business. The idea of having to shower in a big dorm bathroom was terrifying to me. Even brushing my teeth next to someone else is uncomfortable. I took one look at the showers and freaked out. There are two shower stalls and in order to reach the ‘far’ one, you have to go through the ‘near’ one! What sadistic person designed THAT?
Only another self conscious introvert with body image issues will fully understand my anxiety about the showers. I put a lot of energy into trying to figure out how to manage getting a shower without encountering anyone else. My first semester, this didn’t prove to be difficult, as my Saturday class was at noon, so I just waited to shower until the morning class gals were done and gone. But this semester, I am a morning class gal. Luckily, my room is right next to the bathroom, so I can hear if someone is in there or not. The first Saturday morning, I waited till it was quiet, then ventured timidly forth, and went into the ‘far’ stall.
I was almost done when someone entered the ‘near’ stall and started showering! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Now, I am so self conscious that I take a t-shirt into the shower with me, and hang it where it won’t get wet, so I can put it on when I’m done and get out without anybody seeing me naked. But there was no way around seeing the other person naked, which I didn’t want to do – I agonized for a few minutes and then decided, well, if she got in here, she must not have a problem with me coming out past her. So I finished up, gathered my courage, excused myself, and got out as fast as I could, eyes averted, forgetting my body wash in my haste to escape.
Since then there have been no further shower encounters, but it still stresses me out to use a ‘public’ shower.
Another challenge is something I call “there’s one in every class.” This is a small school with small classes and in every class there is that student – the attention seeker, the one who seems to want to make sure that everyone knows she is on a first name basis with the professor. The one who starts talking the minute she arrives, at whoever happens to be handy. The one who is just obnoxiously pushy and opinionated, the one at whom others are secretly rolling their eyes. These people arouse the most intense hostility in me, and I don’t know why. Honestly, I can’t figure out why this behavior bothers me so much. And here’s the weirdest thing – these types seem to gravitate toward me – sit next to me, talk to me, push themselves at me. Why, I ask you? Why? Do any of you relate to this at all? I try to be polite and tolerant, but really, I just wish these types would sit down and shut up!
There are definitely stresses involved in this college adventure, but the positive far outweighs the negative. I like my little dorm room. I go in and close the door and nobody bothers me. The college is in a tiny little town in the country, which is something I love; going there every other week is like a mini-retreat from my ‘real’ life, living in a city and working in a bigger city. Classes are interesting, the teachers are fantastic, the staff of the Weekend College are just amazing, maybe the most supportive and helpful group of people I’ve ever met. So, I can put up with scary showers and the class mouthpieces. And just maybe I’ll come out of this having overcome a few fears and being able to be more accepting of people who are very different from myself!
Hi hermit, I can relate to this entry. First, I have to say that it is great that you are now trying to get a Bachelor’s degree. You did it when you were ready and that is all that matters. I went to a traditional four year college but I wasn’t really happy all throughout the experience. I allowed my mother to basically pressure me into making college choices and ultimately attending a college, when I really wasn’t ready to be making any college decisions, when I was 19. I realize that that is the age when most kids start making college plans and long term education goals, but it just wasn’t the right time for me and I wasn’t really sure what professional path I wanted to pursue. But I went along with my mother, because I didn’t want to face her backlash. I managed to finish three and half years of college, in an English Lit. program, and I made good grades, But I ended up withdrawing from school during the last semester of my senior year due to issues with severe depression and consequently not being able to focus on the coursework because of the depression. I have been out of college for almost four years now. and only during the last year or so have I really decided on what I would like to do for a career. I want to go into a helping profession, such as social work, and ultimately become a mental health counselor. I am currently in an associates program via distance learning and I know that that is the best thing for me, at this point. I finally feel like I really know what I want to do.
While I was attending the four year school, I dormed for the three years that I attended, and when I first started, I was terrified of using the public restroom in my dorm wing. I have never liked using public restrooms, and having to share a restroom with almost twenty other girls took some getting used too, since I was used to having a bathroom to myself. On top of that, whenever I went into the shower, I had to hope and pray that there would be hot water, because a lot of the time the water was just above luke warm, and I like showering with hot water. I can’t believe that the shower stalls in your dorm wing are situated in such a way that you will end up seeing someone else undressed, since you have to exit through the other shower. In my dorm wing, there were also two shower stalls, but they were designed so that the people showering would have there privacy. Each shower stall had a glass door and a shower curtain for privacy.
I know what you mean about “that student” who is always pushy and opinionated and seeks out attention. I have been around students and coworkers who were like that, and they are always annoying and frustrating, but they have no self-awareness, so even if you are annoyed by them, they don’t care and won’t change. These types also tend to gravitate toward me, as well, I think that they see me as an easy target, since I tend not to say much, so they feel free to overwhelm me with their personality. I just end up trying to block them out and ignore them, after it becomes too irritating. I can tolerate a lot of personality types and I have been around a bunch of characters, but there are definitely some people who go beyond the point of irritation.
I’m so glad you’re enjoying your Weekend College experience! Yep, there’s one of That Guy in every single class! He reads a little ahead so he can ask “thoughtful” questions and impress the prof, he keeps everyone late with, “just for the sake of argument..” – totally disgusting. Re the showers, what about the night time after class – maybe some of the social butterflies are out after 10:30 pm and you could take a night shower? Or a 6 am shower?
I’m like you – I often listen to make sure no one is in a place where I just want to go do something without all the small talk.
How wonderful it was to find your website and read about someone who has similar thoughts and feelings. I’ll check in whenever I’m online and look forward to reading any new entries. Time to oneself is “heaven on earth” but I wonder if it is only so precious because it is limited.
Wow, thanks, everyone! JW, I too was pressured to go to college before I was ready. That’s why I’m going to be 50 before I finally get that degree!
I think that some of us have no idea who we are at 19. I sure didn’t. I look back on some of the choices I made and they were so wrong for me. . .but I didn’t realize it.
Hi hermit. I am also a hermit. As hermit loners we should support one another (form a safe distance hahaha). I appreciate your blog. These here are my blogs:http://uncledouche.blogspot.com, http://iamscatology.blogspot.com, http://henryosun.blogspot.com
Cheers to all those that fight in isolation!